Gay sex on my doorstep

The other day the Senate wasn't able to eke out enough votes to "defend" the sanctity of marriage.

Apparently, heterosexual marriage needs to be defended, and now that the effort has failed, heterosexual relationships are in a lot of trouble. I've been straight my whole life but now we straights are helpless to preserve our own relationships and sexual orientation.

Any time now I will expect the gay sex to arrive at my doorstep and for all of my family and personal relationships to begin changing.

I just wish I knew what to wear.

Maybe FEMA will start handing out some kind of kit.