Sargent 04/21/2005

HAPPY EARTH DAY!

This is without a doubt the most beautiful planet I've ever lived on.
(This post will remain at the top all day)

Try the "Belief-O-Matic" right in your own home!

Here is a fun little test via Mixter's Mix. Even if YOU don't know what faith you are, Belief-O-Matic™ knows.

Apparently I lean more toward Unitarian Universalism. I like the sound of that. The ironic thing is that even though I was raised Catholic, Catholicism came out on the bottom. I was even an altar boy. Go figure.

TAKE THE TEST

Here are my results:
1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2. Secular Humanism (91%)
3. Liberal Quakers (78%)
4. Theravada Buddhism (77%)
5. Nontheist (74%)
6. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (72%)
7. Neo-Pagan (60%)
8. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (46%)
9. New Age (46%)
10. Mahayana Buddhism (43%)
11. Taoism (40%)
12. Bah�'� Faith (38%)
13. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (38%)
14. New Thought (36%)
15. Jehovah's Witness (31%)
16. Hinduism (31%)
17. Reform Judaism (29%)
18. Jainism (27%)
19. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (27%)
20. Scientology (27%)
21. Orthodox Quaker (26%)
22. Sikhism (20%)
23. Seventh Day Adventist (11%)
24. Orthodox Judaism (9%)
25. Eastern Orthodox (6%)
26. Islam (6%)
27. Roman Catholic (6%)

Pope condemns Spanish gay marriage bill

Pope Benedict XVI has responded firmly to the first challenge of his papacy by condemning a Spanish government bill allowing marriage between homosexuals.

Excuse me if I don't take the Pope or his minions seriously because:

A - He was a Hitler Youth. I know. It was compulsory and he was against it, blah blah blah. The fact that he is an ultra-strict uber-conservative shows that he is right in line with that way of thinking.
B - He made the statement that homosexuals bring violence upon themselves.
C - He made the decision to sweep the pedophile priest problem under the rug.

So again, excuse me if I refuse the moral lectures of an immoral jackass.

Here's the article.

What Happens When Dems Run Things?

David Sirota has the rundown.

Beeler 04/22/2005

WAR COST USA OVER $300,000,000,000

Just look around our country and you'll see many ways we could have better utilized $300 billion. Oh well. At least the Iraqi's can vote now.

Senate OKs $81B for Iraq, Afghanistan
Apr 21, 6:59 PM (ET)

By LIZ SIDOTI

WASHINGTON (AP) - The Senate on Thursday overwhelmingly approved $81 billion for wars in Iraq and Afghanistan in a spending bill that would push the total cost of combat and reconstruction past $300 billion.

Read on...

GOP over the cliff

Henry Hyde said the Clinton impeachment was retaliation for Nixon

Now we know why they were so relentless. They had a bone to pick and it didn't matter which Democrat ended up in their crosshairs. Someone was going down (pun intended).

When asked by Andy Shaw if the Clinton proceedings were payback for Nixon's impeachment. Hyde replied:

"I can't say it wasn't, but I also thought that the Republican party should stand for something, and if we walked away from this, no matter how difficult, we could be accused of shirking our duty, our responsibility."

Read on: Clinton impeachment was retaliation for Nixon, says retiring congressman

Yet another conspiracy from the christian right wing nutjobs

"We set up the courts. We can unset the courts. We have the power of the purse,"
-Tom DeLay, April 13, 2005

WASHINGTON — Evangelical Christian leaders, who have been working closely with senior Republican lawmakers to place conservative judges in the federal courts, have also been exploring ways to punish sitting jurists and even entire courts viewed as hostile to their cause.

An audio recording obtained by the Los Angeles Times features two of the nation's most influential evangelical leaders, at a private conference with supporters, laying out strategies to rein in judges, such as stripping funding from their courts in an effort to hinder their work.

2 Evangelicals Want to Strip Courts' Funds

Dubya sez...

"John Thune has got a common-sense vision for good forest policy. I look forward to working with him in the United Nations Senate to preserve these national heritages." —George W. Bush, Aberdeen, S.D., Oct. 31, 2002

Sweet equine harmony

Luckovich 04/22/2005

Quote of the day

"Nobody sees a conspiracy after joining it. Then it's a project."
-Jim Schutze, Dallas Observer.com, 7/1/04

John Bolton - Psychopath

In 1994 Melody Townsel was stationed in Kyrgyzstan on a US AID project. During her stay there, she became embroiled in a controversy in which the oh-so-diplomatic John Bolton was a key player. She described the incident in a letter to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee members (who have thus far responded with a yawn).

Dear Sir:

I'm writing to urge you to consider blocking in committee the nomination of John Bolton as ambassador to the UN.

In the late summer of 1994, I worked as the subcontracted leader of a US AID project in Kyrgyzstan officially awarded to a HUB primary contractor. My own employer was Black, Manafort, Stone & Kelly, and I reported directly to Republican leader Charlie Black.

After months of incompetence, poor contract performance, inadequate in-country funding, and a general lack of interest or support in our work from the prime contractor, I was forced to make US AID officials aware of the prime contractor's poor performance.

I flew from Kyrgyzstan to Moscow to meet with other Black Manafort employees who were leading or subcontracted to other US AID projects. While there, I met with US AID officials and expressed my concerns about the project -- chief among them, the prime contractor's inability to keep enough cash in country to allow us to pay bills, which directly resulted in armed threats by Kyrgyz contractors to me and my staff.

Within hours of sending a letter to US AID officials outlining my concerns, I met John Bolton, whom the prime contractor hired as legal counsel to represent them to US AID. And, so, within hours of dispatching that letter, my hell began.

Mr. Bolton proceeded to chase me through the halls of a Russian hotel -- throwing things at me, shoving threatening letters under my door and, generally, behaving like a madman. For nearly two weeks, while I awaited fresh direction from my company and from US AID, John Bolton hounded me in such an appalling way that I eventually retreated to my hotel room and stayed there. Mr. Bolton, of course, then routinely visited me there to pound on the door and shout threats.

When US AID asked me to return to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan in advance of assuming leadership of a project in Kazakstan, I returned to my project to find that John Bolton had proceeded me by two days. Why? To meet with every other AID team leader as well as US foreign-service officials in Bishkek, claiming that I was under investigation for misuse of funds and likely was facing jail time. As US AID can confirm, nothing was further from the truth.

He indicated to key employees of or contractors to State that, based on his discussions with investigatory officials, I was headed for federal prison and, if they refused to cooperate with either him or the prime contractor's replacement team leader, they, too, would find themselves the subjects of federal investigation. As a further aside, he made unconscionable comments about my weight, my wardrobe and, with a couple of team leaders, my sexuality, hinting that I was a lesbian (for the record, I'm not).

When I resurfaced in Kyrgyzstan, I learned that he had done such a convincing job of smearing me that it took me weeks -- with the direct intervention of US AID officials -- to limit the damage. In fact, it was only US AID's appoinment of me as a project leader in Almaty, Kazakstan that largely put paid to the rumors Mr. Bolton maliciously circulated.

As a maligned whistleblower, I've learned firsthand the lengths Mr. Bolton will go to accomplish any goal he sets for himself. Truth flew out the window. Decency flew out the window. In his bid to smear me and promote the interests of his client, he went straight for the low road and stayed there.

John Bolton put me through hell -- and he did everything he could to intimidate, malign and threaten not just me, but anybody unwilling to go along with his version of events. His behavior back in 1994 wasn't just unforgivable, it was pathological.

I cannot believe that this is a man being seriously considered for any diplomatic position, let alone such a critical posting to the UN. Others you may call before your committee will be able to speak better to his stated dislike for and objection to stated UN goals. I write you to speak about the very character of the man.

It took me years to get over Mr. Bolton's actions in that Moscow hotel in 1994, his intensely personal attacks and his shocking attempts to malign my character.

I urge you from the bottom of my heart to use your ability to block Mr. Bolton's nomination in committee.

Respectfully yours,

Melody Townsel
Dallas, TX 75208

Food for thought

When some folks sell a car or some other high ticket item, they sometimes inflate the asking price over what they really want so that a prospective buyer will talk them down to their desired price.

I believe Bush may be pulling the same trick concerning his nomination of John Bolton. He chose someone so polarizing, so pathological that the chances of making it through the process is slim. Now with the Bolton nomination almost dead, Bush is likely to nominate another anti-UN uber-conservative who isn't quite as nasty. The new nominee will be only slightly more desirable and will be seen as a lesser of two evils. So it goes.

DeLay - Yesterday and Today

Tommy seems to have done a complete 180 in his thinking over the past decade. Another case of "do as I say, not as I do."

"The time has come that the American people know exactly what their Representatives are doing here in Washington. Are they feeding at the public trough, taking lobbyist-paid vacations, getting wined and dined by special interest groups? Or are they working hard to represent their constituents? The people, the American people, have a right to know...I say the best disinfectant is full disclosure, not isolation."
-U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay, 11/16/95

Regarding Tom DeLay

In light of DeLay's constant bleating about this judge or that judge ad nauseum to deflect attention away from his many scandals, this African Proverb hits the nail on the head.

"It is the dying man who screams the loudest."

Delay's caustic rhetoric seems to indicate that his political career is over, and he knows it.

The Vent from the AJC

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution has a daily feature called The Vent. There are often some very funny submissions by people in the Atlanta area. Then there are responses to earlier vents. I'll post some of the best from time to time. Enjoy!

04/21/05

Tom DeLay is the best thing to happen to the Democratic Party in several years.

Whenever you hear "liberal media," it usually means some Republican is whining about not getting his way or he got caught doing something wrong.

My girlfriend demanded that I take her to someplace expensive, so I took her to a gas station.

The new bankruptcy laws are similar to the street laws for illicit drugs: Predatory lenders make millions hooking working-class people into debt way over their heads.

When you're making that list of traitors, don't forget Ollie North.

Party symbolism more accurate than we thought

How appropriate that the elephant in the symbol for the GOP. After years of hearing Republicans say that the donkey is appropriate for Democrats because Democrats are jackasses, this story comes out.

It seems that in Seoul, Korea 6 elephants went on a rampage. After the elephants were rounded up a zoo official said

"...one was apparently startled and bolted. The five others followed because they have the tendency to do that."

Closely parallels the Republican party in America doesn't it?

New pope intervened against Kerry in US 2004 election campaign

Yet another reason to dislike the man.

Read it here

Dubya sez...

"It's very interesting when you think about it, the slaves who left here to go to America, because of their steadfast and their religion and their belief in freedom, helped change America."
—George W. Bush, Dakar, Senegal, July 8, 2003

SHOCKING! Supreme court justice utilizes the internets

Tom DeLay criticizes Justice Kennedy, a Reagan appointee, for doing his own research on the internet.

"And not only that, but he said in session that he does his own research on the Internet? That is just incredibly outrageous."

I suppose DeLay wants the justices to get their info from the only outlet sactioned by the GOP. FAUX News.

As if that weren't bad enough DeLay went on to say

"judges can serve as long as they serve with good behavior. We want to define what good behavior means. And that's where you have to start."

I assume that the definition will begin with something like "All decisions handed down by the Supreme Court must first be considered by Tom DeLay."

Read the article: DeLay Criticizes Supreme Court Justice

I'm very disappointed...

...in the name Ratzinger chose for his papal identity. I assumed that after Pope John Paul he would have chosen the only logical name. Pope George Ringo.

Karl Rove comes up with a new symbol for Republicans

By combining the "peace symbol" and "the finger" he gets the new "fuck peace" symbol. Or maybe he intended it to be a "W". At any rate it means the same thing.

Sad Anniversary

Ten years ago today, at 9:02 a.m. midwestern time, terrorist Timothy McVeigh murdered 168 people in the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building. Among the victims were 19 children attending day care in the building.

Ann Coulter The shrill blonde harpy had this to say:

"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."
-Ann Coulter as quoted in the New York Observer, Aug. 20, 2002

How about regretting that 168 Americans were killed you bitch!

New Pope is an Uber-Conservative

Kind of like having Karl Rove as Pope. As I pointed out in Heil Jesus! Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was once a Hitler Youth. That really doesn't mean much anymore. Some kids in those days saw it as kind of "Boy's Club" until they saw what was going on then they ran for the hills. I'm not sure if Ratzinger was one of those or if he embraced it for all it was worth.*see UPDATE

One thing is for sure. Ratzinger, or Pope Benedict XVI, sends shivers down the spines of liberal Catholics and Catholic thinkers. He's been the head of the inquisition in the church, literally. He's called dozens upon hundreds of theologians and priests to the carpet and put a chill through free speech and debate in the church. John Paul's legacy was of spreading democracy in eastern Europe but not tolerating it inside the church. Ratzinger was the main instrument for killing free speech in the church. Ratzinger also helped quash democracy and intellectual thought inside the church. He believes the church always knows what's right and is never wrong. Sounds a little too much like the Bush administration if you ask me. Time will tell if he can live up to his successor. Not John Paul II but Benedict XV.

UPDATE: Mixter points out that Ratzinger was one of those who "ran for the hills".

In his memoirs, Ratzinger wrote that he was enrolled in the Nazi youth movement against his will when he was 14 in 1941, when membership was compulsory. He said he was soon let out because of his studies for the priesthood.

Two years later he was drafted into a Nazi anti-aircraft unit as a helper, a common taks for teenage boys too young to be soldiers. A year later he was released, only to be sent to the Austrian-Hungarian border to construct tank barriers.

He deserted the Germany army in May 1945 and returned to Traunstein — a risky move, since deserters were shot on the spot if caught, or publicly hanged as examples to others.

When he arrived home, U.S. soldiers took him prisoner and held him in a POW camp for several weeks. Upon his release, he re-entered the seminary.

Duly noted. He is still an Uber-conservative who bears watching. We'll just have to wait and see where he takes the Catholic church in this new era.

White House Ad Encourages Teen Use of Addictive, Cancer-Causing Drug

New Campaign Directly Contradicts Data on Tobacco, Marijuana

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A new White House ad campaign encourages teen cigarette use by falsely telling parents that tobacco is far less dangerous to kids than marijuana, officials of the Marijuana Policy Project charged today. "By inaccurately portraying cigarettes as relatively harmless, the White House is condemning thousands of young people to a life of addiction and early death from cancer and emphysema," said MPP Director of Government Relations Steve Fox.

The new ad, which started running this week in papers such as USA Today and The New York Times, claims, "Quite a few people think that smoking pot is less likely to cause cancer than a regular cigarette. You may even have heard some parents say they'd rather their kid smoked a little pot than get hooked on cigarettes. Wrong, and wrong again. ... One joint can deliver four times as much cancer-causing tar as one cigarette."

But the ad's claim is directly contradicted by extensive research, including the 1999 White House-commissioned Institute of Medicine (IOM) report, "Marijuana and Medicine: Assessing the Science Base." While marijuana smoke does contain tars, the IOM concluded, "There is no conclusive evidence that marijuana causes cancer in humans, including cancers usually related to tobacco use." While multiple studies have confirmed that tobacco smokers have far higher lung cancer rates than nonsmokers, no such correlation has been clearly documented among marijuana smokers who don't use cigarettes. In a 60,000-patient, 10-year study, marijuana smokers who didn't smoke cigarettes actually had a lower lung cancer rate than nonsmokers.

The IOM noted that marijuana smokers generally smoke far less than tobacco smokers, and considerable research has now confirmed that marijuana's active components, called cannabinoids, stop cancer cell growth. Copies of studies related to marijuana, tobacco, and cancer are available from MPP Director of Communications Bruce Mirken.
More...

Tom DeLay, the Bug Spray Man

Excellent article by Chuck Muziani who is a contributor to BuzzFlash

Which part of the United States Constitution 'separation of powers' concept do Tom Delay and his fellow republicans not understand? Or, better yet, choose not to understand?

Read the rest...

House Energy Bill Increases Tax Breaks

By Justin Blum
Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, April 19, 2005; Page A04

The House this week will consider $8 billion in tax breaks targeted to the energy industry at a time when some of those companies are enjoying soaring profits from high consumer prices.
Read on...

Luckovich 04/19/2005

Nobody expects...

...the Spanish Inquisition!

Right on the money!

First of all, the "war for oil" argument has never been, "The U.S. only wants lots of oil." That's strawman-making with a vengeance. The charge -- fully substantiated by the Bush gang's own copious writings about their geopolitical ambitions ("Project for the New American Century," et al) -- is that a group of elite interests in the U.S. want to control access to world energy resources in order to maintain and expand their own power and privilege (which they equate with "American interests"), and to put the squeeze on any potential rivals for geopolitical predominance in the coming decades, such as China and India. Whoever has their hand on the oil spigot -- or controls, by threats and bribes, those who do -- can shape the future to their own ends. This power is what the Bushist elite wants, not just the actual black stuff under the ground.

Second, it's ridiculous to imagine that Bush could have gone to Congress and the American people and asked for $280 billion to buy oil futures. And even if he had, what if Saddam, or OPEC, or Hugo Chavez, or Putin, had refused to sell them? Why on earth would any of them have mortgaged their futures and guaranteed their subservience by selling one country "all the world's oil for the next 50 years"? This is a ludicrous assertion.

No, the only Bush way could grab such enormous loot from the public treasury for his cronies was by frightening and manipulating the American people into war. And McEwan's strawman reductionism also overlooks the fact that war is not only profitable for Bush's oil allies (who are now pulling in unfathomable profits), but also (as mentioned in the previous post), the arms manufacturers, giant construction and servicing cartels like Bechtel and Halliburton, the "private equity firms" and investment houses like Carlyle, and so on.

Indeed, the United States has for decades sought to play a more permanent role in Gulf regional security. While the unresolved conflict with Iraq provides the immediate justification, the need for a substantial American force presence in the Gulf transcends the issue of the regime of Saddam Hussein.

Which is, of course, why the U.S. is making plans to create the largest U.S. diplomatic mission in the world in Baghdad: we're there for the long haul, and not by accident. Remember, this was all laid out by the Project for a New American Century back in 2000

Via Empire Burlesque

Rall 04/14/2005

Asshat of the week

With an assault weapon in each hand, Ted Nugent had this to say to a gathering of National Rifle Association members in Houston:

"Let's next year sit here and say, 'Holy smokes, the NRA has 40 million members now.' No one is allowed at our barbecues unless they are an NRA member. Do that in your life. Remember the Alamo! Shoot 'em! To show you how radical I am, I want carjackers dead. I want rapists dead. I want burglars dead. I want child molesters dead. I want the bad guys dead. No court case. No parole. No early release. I want 'em dead. Get a gun and when they attack you, shoot 'em."

UPDATE: Jim McPherson in FL writes:

Love the "Asshat of the Week" postings. The one with Ted Nugent was a hoot. What a dork! Ol' Ted will feel right at home here in sunny FLA if they pass the "Wild West" law that's currently under consideration. It would basically give you the right to blow away anyone you feel is threatening you. Of course, what constitutes a "threat" has not been defined yet---as it stands, I could look at you the wrong way and you could bust a cap in my ass with no fear of reprisal! The lawyers must be salivating like Pavlovs'dogs!

Whoever thought this was a good idea definitely needs an Asshat award. I think all winners should receive a pair of the WildSects classic thongs, (Available here). Tell them it's protective headgear--- so that their stupid thoughts don't leak out and contaminate the rest of us !!! :-)

Quote(s) of the day

"Have no respect for the authority of others, for there are always contrary authorities to be found."

"Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent that in passive agreement, for, if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter."
-Bertrand Russell

It's a tie! Asshat of the week part deux

"Marriage is not about affirming somebody's love for somebody else. It's about uniting together to be open to children, to further civilization in our society."
-Rick Santorum

I can't even comment on how stupid that remark is.

Bush administration eliminating 19-year-old international terrorism report

By Jonathan S. Landay

Knight Ridder Newspapers

WASHINGTON - The State Department decided to stop publishing an annual report on international terrorism after the government's top terrorism center concluded that there were more terrorist attacks in 2004 than in any year since 1985, the first year the publication covered.

Further down in the article

"Instead of dealing with the facts and dealing with them in an intelligent fashion, they try to hide their facts from the American public," charged Larry C. Johnson, a former CIA analyst and State Department terrorism expert who first disclosed the decision to eliminate the report in The Counterterrorism Blog, an online journal.

Rep. Henry Waxman, D-Calif., who was among the leading critics of last year's mix-up, reacted angrily to the decision.

"This is the definitive report on the incidence of terrorism around the world. It should be unthinkable that there would be an effort to withhold it - or any of the key data - from the public. The Bush administration should stop playing politics with this critical report."

Read on...

Bolton Often Blocked Information, Officials Say

Iran, IAEA Matters Were Allegedly Kept From Rice, Powell

By Dafna Linzer
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, April 18, 2005; Page A04

John R. Bolton -- who is seeking confirmation as the next U.S. ambassador to the United Nations -- often blocked then-Secretary of State Colin L. Powell and, on one occasion, his successor, Condoleezza Rice, from receiving information vital to U.S. strategies on Iran, according to current and former officials who have worked with Bolton.
Read on...

But of course none of that matters. He'll still be confirmed and it will be business as usual.

Dubya sez...

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
—G.W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

Freudian slip much?

Jules Shear

Don and I were discussing one of the most underrated songwriters ever. Many of you have heard a Jules song and never realized it because so many people have covered them. A couple that come to mind are "If She Knew What She Wants" by The Bangles and "All Through The Night" by Cyndi Lauper. They did great jobs on those songs but to hear Jules do them will give you an eargasm. He not only writes great songs but performs them with passion. My first exposure to Jules was when I was caring for a friend's record collection he had both "Jules and the Polar Bears" records. One listen and I was hooked. They remain among my favorites (Don, I have to add them to my WORJ list for the desert island). Don was also instrumental in keeping an eye out for anything Jules realted for me. He found a compilation Christmas CD that Jules' band Reckless Sleepers is on called "Just in Time for Christmas" that my family listens to every year. My wife doesn't think it's Christmas without it.

What prompted this post was Don asking for any news on Jules. I immediately Googled him and came up with a few items. Rather than respond to Don personally I decided to share with everyone. Check out some Jules. You won't be disappointed.

Bands Jules was in:
* Funky Kings
* Jules & The Polar Bears
* Reckless Sleepers
* Raisins in the Sun


Concerted Efforts - Jules Shear
Jules Shear
MP3.com

Kerry was right: plundered Iraqi weapons are surfacing in black markets

John Kerry was correct in his assertions that, due to Bush's initial blundering, large quantities of unsecured Iraqi arms were stolen and possibly sold to god knows who.

Arms Equipment Plundered in 2003 Is Surfacing in Iraq
Username: wildsects
Password: 12345

Heil Jesus

Papal hopeful is a former Hitler Youth

Magna Carter?

Were the arrests during the RNC in NYC a plot?

The mass arrests seem as if they were part of an elaborate scheme concocted by New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg and other high-ranking Republican officials to thwart demonstrators from upstaging the RNC "Crowning of Bush" Convention. Considering that the cases of somewhere in the neighborhood of 90% of those arrested have been dismissed this seems highly likely.
Via The Capitol Times

Iran liberalizes abortion law (while Tom DeLay moves the U.S. in the opposite direction)

It's amazing isn't it? We criticize middle eastern countries for their strict religious standards and we're becoming exactly like them. Theocracy is bad no matter which religion it bows to.
Via The Washington Monthly

I Maureen

F.D.R.'s 'Gorgeous Hussy'
Username: wildsects
Password: 12345

Do as I say, not as I do

Republicans: thy name is hypocrisy. They are now in a huff because Howard Dean accused congressional Republicans of "grandstanding" in the Terri Schiavo case and plans to use it against the GOP in the 2006 and 2008 elections. Republican National Committee spokeswoman Tracey Schmitt said "It's disturbing that Howard Dean would plot to use the life of Terri Schiavo for political gain." Excuse me but isn't that exactly what DeLay and Frist did?
Read this

Mel Martinez

Florida's new Senator, Mel Martinez, is quoted as saying this about drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge:

"The people of Florida don't want it. The people of Alaska did."

I have one question: Does Martinez represent the people of Florida or the people of Alaska?

Saturday funnies

Dubya sez...

I would have said yes to abortion if only it was right. I mean, yeah it's right. Well, no it's not right -- that's why I said no to it.
-George W. Bush 14 Feb 2000 Attempting to speak in South Carolina

Borrowed (stolen?) from RANTZILLA

U.S. UNDER ATTACK BY MEXICO

What else would you call it when a nation's military, at the encouragement of their president, escorts their own citizens up to the border of another nation with the intent to send them across the border? The sad but not surprising part of it is that Bush will do nothing about it. Which begs the question "Is Bush a traitor to his own country when he allows an attack to go unanswered?" Bush encourages Mexicans to cross our borders illegally for the cheap labor they provide to his "base".
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

Happy Tax Day!

Submitted by Wild Sects' Orlando Correspondent Jim McPherson

A blue state that should be red

Oregon Court Tosses Gay Marriage Licenses

Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee is getting pretty good at this

Tom DeLay's House of Scandal

Another blue state proves how civilized they are

Connecticut House Votes To Allow Gay Unions

i'm lovin' it

Apparently McDonald's is tired of being associated with fat kids and wants to spruce up it's image. Now if they can only find a way to get rid of that pesky mad cow disease.
Here's the skinny

DeLay believes our right to privacy is wrong

Mr. Dinan: You've been talking about going after activist judges since at least 1997. The [Terri] Schiavo case gives you a chance to do that, but you've recently said you blame Congress for not being zealous in oversight.

Mr. DeLay: Not zealous. I blame Congress over the last 50 to 100 years for not standing up and taking its responsibility given to it by the Constitution. The reason the judiciary has been able to impose a separation of church and state that's nowhere in the Constitution is that Congress didn't stop them. The reason we had judicial review is because Congress didn't stop them. The reason we had a right to privacy is because Congress didn't stop them.

Read the entire transcript here

Welcome dNeXT

There's a new site in town called dNeXT. I'll add it to my ever growing list of A Few Good Places To Land

I'm holding out for the Jesus with the kung fu grip

Holy crap! It was bad enough that someone marketed a Jesus action figure but now a chatty kathy version is avaiable as Talking Jesus. You can also get his friend Moses too. You'll have hours of fun reliving the sermon on the mount and other lively biblical stories.

Quote of the day

"It took almost a week, but they finally buried the pope. It would have been faster, but as of last month, no one dies now without permission of Congress."
-Bill Maher

Closed Town Hall Meetings

How can a true town hall meeting be closed? Anything is possible with this administration. It doesn't matter how unfair or unAmerican it looks. Mitch Manzella writes of his experience trying to get a ticket to a Dick Cheney event. My question is who pays for AirForce One to fly to these events? The Republican Party? They should seeing as how Republicans are the only ones allowed to attend.
Read Mitch's story here

Clinton slaps Couric around a little

This is hilarious. Couric tries to define the current Democratic Congress as obstructionists even though they've only blocked 10 out of over 200 judges that Bush brought up for vote. Clinton points out that while he was president, Republicans wouldn't even bring a vote on over 40 of his judges. So who are the real obstructionists? They are the ones who now feel the need to do away with filibusters because they've had 10 judges blocked.
Watch the video (be patient)

Thanks to Media Matters for America

In a country made of SAND our troops don't have enough SANDBAGS

This is further evidence that the Bush administration is woefully mishandling nearly every aspect of this disaster they call a war. After Cpl. Travis Bruce was killed because he wasn't adequately protected, White House spokesman Allen Abney had this to say:

"As the president has said, the focus is on training and equipping the Iraqi security forces so that they can provide their own security so they can defend themselves against internal and external threats."

EXCUSE ME! Shouldn't our focus be on our own soldiers who were put into harm's way by our idiot-in-chief?

...the day before Bruce died, he told his girlfriend he did not have enough sandbags to fortify his position adequately.

Read this

Public Service Announcement

agents investigate college art exhibit

Thank goodness they were there to protect us from rogue artists!
Read the story

Dubya sez...

"I'm the commander — see, I don't need to explain — I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president."
—as quoted in Bob Woodward's "Bush at War"

Napoleon complex much?

Drudge tried to smear Kerry with false AP charge that he outed CIA operative

Media Matters has a story about the obvious smear on Kerry that I mentioned yesterday in my Drudge is slime post.
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

Security Spending Initiates Disputes

Wyoming, which is not on anybody's short list of ground-zero targets, receives $37.74 per resident, and South Dakota gets $26.32 per capita. Meanwhile, New York gets $5.41, and California, another high-threat state, with targets such as Los Angeles International Airport and the Golden Gate Bridge receives $4.97.

The bulk of Homeland Security money doesn't go where the threatened targets (blue states) are located because it's not about your safety, it's all about the Republican majority's safety (red states).
Story here

Let them eat bombs

The doubling of child malnutrition in Iraq is baffling. Terry Jones of Monty Python fame wrote an excellent article on the subject.
Read it here

If you support Republicans in the Senate it's time to remove your "Support Our Troops" ribbons

All Democrats voted in favor of the amendment. The only Republican to cross over, Arlen Specter.

April 12, 2005

Senate won’t add veterans’ health funds to supplemental appropriations bill

By Rick Maze
Times staff writer

By two 54-46 votes, the Senate blocked efforts Tuesday to add money for veterans’ health care to the 2005 supplemental appropriations bill.

Sens. Patty Murray, D-Wash., and Daniel Akaka, D-Hawaii, both members of the Senate Veterans’ Affairs Committee, sought to add $1.9 billion to the $80.6 billion wartime emergency supplemental appropriations bill to cover costs of treating returning combat veterans for war-related injuries and to cover shortfalls in funding for VA programs.

The Bush administration sought no VA money as part of its supplemental funding request, and none was included in the version of the bill passed by the House in March.

Murray, however, said funding for veterans is critical because wounded service members will be seeking treatment from already underfunded facilities.
Read on...

Democratic "hit machine" is pouring millions into a campaign to oust DeLay

But as a senior GOP lawmaker said on condition of anonymity, "Democrats should save their money. Why murder someone who is committing suicide?"
Story here

Gee, who's that scary man helping to throw the 2000 election in Florida?

Close election could be scary
"I'm with the Bush-Cheney team, and I'm here to stop the count."

Is Clinton a hypocrite?

John Aravosis at AMERICAblog wrote an open letter to Bill Clinton regarding his hypocrisy on pro-gay conservatives sucking up to anti-gay conservatives.

Dear Bill,

Pardon the somewhat stern tone, but I got a bit upset reading in the paper that you've decided to start accusing others of hypocrisy on the gay issue.

Yes, Arthur Finklestein, the GOP political consultant who helped Jesse Helms get elected to office, among other gay-hating politicians, is a big hypocrite for being gay, getting married to his boyfriend of 40 years, while not renouncing his courtship of the gay-haters. And yes, you and everyone else is right to chastise him for his hypocrisy. But, at the same time, it's difficult, as a fan of yours - and I am a big fan - to watch you pontificate about the hypocrisy of Republicans on gay marriage when you yourself have a pretty big gay hypocrisy you've never owned up to.

The thing is, you signed the gay-bashing Defense of Marriage Act. You crowed about your support of DOMA in radio ads. You continue to support DOMA to this day. And you reportedly told John Kerry to throw us overboard last year on the state constitutional amendment issue in order to help him get elected president.

So where do you get off now accusing someone else of being a hypocrite on gay issues relating to marriage?

Look, we all know you couldn't give a damn about gay marriage. I'm sure you support it. You're not exactly a prude about relationships. The Republicans forced you into signing DOMA, we get it. But you're not in office anymore, and you still haven't renounced or even regretted your signing of DOMA. You could have said the truth, you could have come clean, you could have simply told the American people "look, the Republicans have risen gay-bashing to an art and put me in a spot where I had to sign it, and I regret that I did." I mean, how hard is that?

But you didn't.

Maybe it's because you're worried you'll put Hillary in a bad position - she'll then have to either agree with you about DOMA being a bad thing, and be seen as a Democrat who's not afraid to actually take a firm position on a matter of principle regardless of the polls, or she'll have to disagree with you and risk being seen as, uh, not your lackey.

You were a good president and a lot of us liked you and still like you in spite of your DOMA baggage, and even in spite of your trying to sell us out last year during the 2004 election. But please, if you're going to start moralizing against pro-gay people sucking up to anti-gay hypocrites - and we hope you continue to do so - could you take a bit of time to finally get your own house in order?

JOHN ARAVOSIS

Luckovich 04/13/2005

[this is a fun place to visit]

Mighty McPilgrim: Just One Big Disfunnyctional Family

DeLay Urges GOP to Blame Dems Over Ethics

If little Tommy had broken a window with a baseball he would blame the other kids who told on him. Why won't he just grow up and resign already? I thought Republicans were all about personal accountability. Oh that's right. Accountability is only required of liberals.

House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, hoping to hold support among fellow Republicans, urged GOP senators Tuesday to blame Democrats if asked about his ethics controversy and accused the news media of twisting supportive comments so they sounded like criticism.

Read more...

Things you'll never see on FAUX News

I'm sure most of you are aware that average gas prices have been topping nearly $2.50 per gallon recently, with San Franciscans recently reporting more than $3 per gallon for regular unleaded:

Let's take a look at what some Republicans, who are strangely silent now, had to say in 2000, when gas was around a full dollar cheaper per gallon than it is today:

Rep. Terry Everett: "The Clinton Administration has failed in its duty to develop a policy to deal with our national energy supply and is therefore directly accountable for the higher prices Americans are now paying at the gas pumps."

Dennis Hastert: "House Speaker Dennis Hastert accused the Clinton administration Friday of misleading members of Congress about the causes of skyrocketing gas prices in the Midwest."

Rep. Wally Herger: "Congressman Wally Herger recently denounced the Clinton-Gore Administration's complacency during the current gas price crisis. 'Northern Californians are being held hostage at the gas pump,' Herger said. 'The Clinton-Gore Administration has demonstrated a complete and total lack of leadership in preventing this problem. It is a clear failure of domestic and foreign policy.'"

Larry Kudlow: "The Clinton-Gore administration’s hapless and incoherent management of foreign policy is nowhere as evident as in their bungling on OPEC’s oil-price hike. ... While crude oil prices could drop to $25 per barrel, they will stay well above the average $20 real price of oil registered over the past ten years. And way above the $10 worldwide average marginal cost of producing new oil. Meanwhile gas prices at the pump are likely to be upwards of $2 per gallon well into the summer."

Glenn Spencer: "In recent weeks, gas prices have surged to their highest level in a decade. Prices for home heating oil and natural gas are expected to rise by about 30 percent this winter. ... With the Clinton-Gore administration's policies largely to blame for the pain being felt by consumers, Vice President Gore's camp has pulled out all the stops to shift blame away from his own administration."

Various Repubs: "Representatives Jim Sensenbrenner (R-Menomonee Falls), Tom Petri (R-Fond du Lac), Paul Ryan (R-Janesville), and Mark Green (R-Green Bay) today blasted Energy Secretary Bill Richardson and the Clinton-Gore Administration for their failure to implement a comprehensive energy policy to deal with staggering gas prices Wisconsin consumers continue to face at the pumps."

So, gas is about 60-75% per gallon more at the pump and oil is about 100% more per barrel than it was when these hypocrites were whining about how much Bill Clinton and Al Gore sucked, but now Dubya is the president so he gets a pass. Perhaps they're still waiting for him to "jawbone" OPEC as he promised to do?

With thanks to Democratic Underground

Always question authority - it may pay off

Dennis Kyne put up such a fight at a political protest last summer, the arresting officer recalled, it took four police officers to haul him down the steps of the New York Public Library and across Fifth Avenue.

"We picked him up and we carried him while he squirmed and screamed," the officer, Matthew Wohl, testified in December. "I had one of his legs because he was kicking and refusing to walk on his own."

Accused of inciting a riot and resisting arrest, Mr. Kyne was the first of the 1,806 people arrested in New York last summer during the Republican National Convention to take his case to a jury. But one day after Officer Wohl testified, and before the defense called a single witness, the prosecutor abruptly dropped all charges.

During a recess, the defense had brought new information to the prosecutor. A videotape shot by a documentary filmmaker showed Mr. Kyne agitated but plainly walking under his own power down the library steps, contradicting the vivid account of Officer Wohl, who was nowhere to be seen in the pictures. Nor was the officer seen taking part in the arrests of four other people at the library against whom he signed complaints.

Read on...
Username: wildsects
Password: 12345

I Arianna almost as much as I Maureen

The last paragraph is the icing on the cake that is this column.

A CORNUCOPIA OF DEATH

By Arianna Huffington

Paint the last month black. It's been an orgy of mourning; a cornucopia of death. We've had Terri Schiavo, Pope John Paul, Prince Rainier, and Charles and Camilla's wedding--which felt as grim as any funeral. All brought to us in no-longer-living color. If nothing else, the media have outed themselves as the ultimate necrophiliacs. I expect CNN and Forest Lawn to announce a sponsorship agreement any day now.

The pope's interminable interment was the magenta-colored cherry on the death sundae. The TV coverage was so over-the-top and utterly uncritical, it was as if John Paul had been, well, the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. Or, at least, Jim Caviezel.

Now, I'm certainly not suggesting that the last week should have been spent trashing the late pontiff. His many achievements--taking on communism, embracing the Third World, speaking out for the poor, and standing up against war--surely deserved recognition and praise. But you'd think the wall-to-wall coverage would have included some serious discussion of the two tragic failures of his reign: his woeful mishandling of the church's child molestation scandal, and how his archaic position on condoms contributed to the deaths of millions of people, especially in Africa.

The molestation outrage is a black mark that can't be whitewashed.

Over 11,000 children were sexually abused and close to $1 billion in settlement money has been paid out, but the pope did not go much beyond decrying "the sins of some of our brothers." He never met with any victims, he never offered practical solutions to dealing with the problem, he never addressed the decades-long cover-up of the abuse. He even rejected a "zero tolerance" policy calling for the immediate removal of molester-priests, concerned that it was too harsh.

Too harsh?! This is a man who wouldn't allow a priest to become a bishop unless he was unequivocally opposed to masturbation, premarital sex and condoms. So, in his perversion pecking order, you had to be dead-set against "self-love" but when it came to buggering little kids, there was some wiggle room.

And let's not forget that the Pope appointed Cardinal Bernard Law, who was one of the architects of the sex scandal cover-up, and who even faced potential criminal prosecution for his role in the concealment. But instead of making an example out of Law, the pope gave him a cushy sinecure in the Vatican. Adding insult to the grievous injury suffered by the abuse victims, Law was one of the nine cardinals specially chosen to preside over the pope's funeral masses. It is a disgrace--and an indication of how detached the Vatican became under this pope.

The other stain on the pope's legacy is his tireless opposition to the use of condoms--even in places like Africa, where AIDS killed 2.3 million people last year alone, and where the disease has driven life expectancy below 40 years in many countries.

But even in the face of that kind of suffering, he fought tooth and nail against condoms. Any time a church official even suggested that people infected with HIV should use condoms, they were either removed from office or censured by the Vatican. We were told again and again last week about how committed John Paul was to promoting a culture of life. I guess the 20 million people who have died from AIDS are the exception that proves the rule.

On the other hand, the pope's passing might have saved the political skin of one of his culture-of-life cohorts, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay. If you have a series of looming ethics scandals about to come crashing down on your head, having the media focused 24/7 on something else is a very lucky break indeed. But, in the end, it's going to take a huge celebrity dying every three days for the next few months to keep The Hammer from going down.

The presence of DeLay at the pope's funeral in Rome, along with President Bush, the First Lady, Condoleezza Rice, Bill Clinton, Nancy Pelosi and Bush Sr., was a stark reminder of our perverted priorities. The pope dies and it's Must Holy See TV; 1,547 American soldiers die in Iraq and President Bush and Laura have yet to attend a single one of their funerals. Not a single one. Maybe the president only goes to funerals of people whose death he wasn't involved in.

Too many good quotes today

"I think we're dealing with the most closed, imperialistic, nastiest administration in living memory. They even put Richard Nixon to shame."
-General Wesley Clark

Even better Quote of the day

I couldn't have said it better myself. This is right on the money as far as I'm concerned. Someone should start a church that worships the ideas of Thomas Paine and The Age of Reason will be the bible.

"I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant church, nor by any church that I know of. My own mind is my own church.

"All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian, or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit.

"I do not mean by this declaration to condemn those who believe otherwise. They have the same right to their belief as I have to mine. But it is necessary to the happiness of man, that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consist in believing, or in disbelieving: it consists in professing to believe what he does not believe."
-Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason

Quote of the day

"I thought, one of two things. Either this guy believes his party is not serious, and is totally Machiavellian in his position, or there's some sort of self-loathing there. I was more sad for him."
-President Bill Clinton Clinton firing back at Arthur Finkelstein, who has launched a "Stop Her Now" campaign aimed at Hillary.

Finkelstein married his male partner in a civil ceremony in Massachusetts in December, with a few of his conservative clients at the nuptial. Oh what hypocrites these gay GOPers are.

Here is the full article

Drudge is slime

A headline/link on Drudge's site reads "Kerry Blows CIA Agent Cover?..." but a line in the story it links to says

"Committee Chairman Richard Lugar, R-Ind., and Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., both mentioned a name, Fulton Armstrong, that had not previously come up in public accounts of the intelligence flap."

I wonder why Matty didn't mention Sen. Lugar? Oh yeah! Because he's SLIME!

Oil, Geopolitics, and the Coming War with Iran

As I mentioned in my Who's next? post on 3/29, it looks as though Dubya is hell-bent on attacking every country in the middle east who stands in the way of his oil pipeline.

As the United States gears up for an attack on Iran, one thing is certain: the Bush administration will never mention oil as a reason for going to war.

Read on...

Legislative Scorecard Shows Congress Abandoning Middle Class, Deep Partisan Split: Most Democrats Pass; Most GOP Members Fail

"Members of Congress repeatedly promise to support policy that will strengthen and expand the middle class," said Andrea Batista Schlesinger, executive director of the Drum Major Institute for Public Policy. "But our scorecard shows that Congress chose to prioritize corporate tax cuts and ideologically-driven legislation over addressing the concerns of middle-class families struggling with debt and the skyrocketing costs of health care and education."

Read on...

Dubya sez...

"I think the American people — I hope the American — I don't think, let me — I hope the American people trust me."
—George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec. 18, 2002

A view from the other side of the world

As I've mentioned before, my friend Don Gilliland is a wonderful writer. I am always highly entertained by his observations. Scoot on over to the Bangkok Digest and read some of his stuff. Here is an exerpt I found especially tasty. He shares some tidbits from his recent trip to the beach at Pattaya:

The hotel is a bit rundown, but inexpensive and pretty darn funky. Besides the downstairs department store there is an adjoining snooker club, massage facilities, and a very roomy bar/restaurant that never has any customers. The cable TV lineup is also odd; no CNN or BBC. Instead they inflict the hideous Fox News upon guests. I had only seen Fox News on two previous occasions –both of those also during weekend trips to Pattaya – and had forgotten how truly horrible it was. How can a major network get away with such obviously biased, vapid and pathetic news coverage? I was truly shocked. It’s further proof of the dumbing-down of America. No wonder the rest of the world makes fun of US “culture.” If Fox News is representative of the intellectual level and mindset of the average American, we have a lot to worry about. Hey, just look at who is running that country! I haven’t lived in the United States in over nine years, so I suppose I’m more than a little out of touch with mainstream America. But maybe that’s a good thing. I can’t fathom why American voters would re-elect a numbskull such as George W. Bush or watch the garbage presented by Fox News - and believe it. The sheep seem happy – and oblivious – as usual.

Don't worry Don. You're still very much in touch with the sane half back here in the states :-)

I'm baaaack...

Thanks to Don at the Dasa Book Cafe for urging me to get my ass busy again. Thanks, too, to Mixter for the warm welcome back. I hope to be up to speed soon. I had a lot of work waiting for me. That's a good thing!

Too funny

Rall 04/09/2005

Funny times we live in...

Bush picks brains of Clinton, father

Comparing himself favorably to Mr. Clinton is the latest in a series of recent moves by Mr. Bush to strengthen relations with the man who vanquished his father in 1992. The thaw comes after years in which Mr. Bush talked of the need to 'restore honor and dignity to the White House' in the post-Clinton era.

Via The Washington Times

Bush's Poll Position Is Worst on Record

It's too bad this majority didn't come to their senses before the 2004 election. Then again would it have made a difference? They would have merely "reworked" more voting machines in Ohio.

Bush's erosion of support among independents in particular has helped bring his overall approval rating down to 45 percent. Fort-nine percent disapprove of his performance.

Via The Washington Post

Username: wildsects
Password: 12345

Dubya sez...

"If they pre-decease or die early, there's an asset base to be able to pass on to a loved one."
—George W. Bush, on Social Security money held in private accounts, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, March 30, 2005

Vacation

I am currently on vacation with my kids in northern VA and D.C. Blogging will resume when we return home.

Stop Liberal Judges? What morons these conservatives be.

(click image)

This IS NOT an April Fool's joke. The nutjobs are already out in force marketing their tasteless "Terri" merchandise. It's funny that they want to stop "liberal" judges who were all appointed by Republican presidents except for one.

Then there's this:

WASHINGTON - The latest rejection of the Terri Schiavo case by a federal court was accompanied by a stinging rebuke of Congress and President Bush from a seemingly unlikely source: Judge Stanley F. Birch Jr., one of the most conservative jurists on the federal bench.

Birch authored opinions upholding Alabama's right to ban the sale of sex toys and Florida's ability to prohibit adoptions by gay couples. Both rulings drew the ire of liberal activists and the elation of traditional and social conservatives.

Yet, in Wednesday's 11th Circuit Court of Appeals decision to deny a rehearing to Schiavo's parents, Birch went out of his way to castigate Bush and congressional Republicans for acting "in a manner demonstrably at odds with our Founding Fathers' blueprint for governance of a free people - our Constitution."

Birch said he couldn't countenance Congress' attempt to "rob" federal courts of the discretion they're given in the Constitution. Noting that it had become popular among "some members of society, including some members of Congress," to denounce "activist judges," or those who substitute their personal opinions for constitutional imperatives, Birch said lawmakers embarked on their own form of unconstitutional activism.

Kudos to Judge Birch for recognizing crap when he sees it.

Google publishes print edition

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA-Have a house full of empty bookshelves? Then you might consider getting the complete Google in hardcover.

The world's biggest search engine is now the world's biggest set of reference books.

Joining the roster of megaworks like the 2 by 1.5 meter Bhutan: A Visual Odyssey Across the Last Himalayan Kingdom and Gary Larson's 60-pound The Complete Far Side, Google's 36,795 volumes will be ten times larger than the unabridged Oxford English Dictionary.

The 2,481-volume "A" set can be pre-ordered online now and will be in bookstores later this month. Google plans to release a new letter of the alphabet every two weeks.

The collection could be a godsend for the 40% of the population who don't yet have Internet access, or simply a convenience for someone who doesn't want to power up the computer every time they need to run a web-search.

Coin Collectors Divided Over New Bush Coin

WASHINGTON, D.C.-Enthusiasm for the Thomas Jefferson buffalo tail nickel has not carried over to the George W. Bush horse's ass half-cent.

The majority of numismatists quickly gave a big thumbs up to the new five-cent piece. But the half-penny, dubbed simply "The Bush" by hobbyists, has sparked a bitter debate.

"Each half-cent will cost about 0.81 of a cent to mint, creating an unnecessary deficit every year," detractors of The Bush complain. "And it looks so much like a penny, The Bush will facilitate widespread dishonesty. The Bush is doomed to be a miserable failure."

"These will come in very handy when the President's Social Security reforms pass," insist supporters of The Bush. "Once the program is forced into bankruptcy, each retiree will get one in the mail every month. Or they can just feel around under the sofa cushion."

The traditional slogan "In God We Trust" is replaced by "Trust Me" on The Bush, which will make it highly sought after by collectors of U.S. coins with oxymorons.

Presidential Inauguration Marred By Bush Appearance

WASHINGTON, D.C.-A generally festive inauguration ceremony in the Nation's chilly Capital on January 2oth was tempered by the conspicuous presence of George W. Bush.

The majority of dignitaries in attendance made the best of an awkward situation. "I guess he had to show up today," remarked one slightly annoyed Capitol Hill lobbyist, "but we'll take it from here. He can go back to Crawford now. We've got things covered."

The generally resigned mood was summed up by one of the Party faithful. "Yeah, this is the kind of thing you really hate to see, but what are ya gonna do? I would have voted for a toaster oven, if it meant keeping a Democrat out of the White House."

An ever pragmatic Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld did his best to keep things in perspective, saying, "As we all know, you go with the President you have, not the President you'd like to have or may have at some point in the future."

Bush himself was excited to be sworn in, exclaiming afterward, "Wow! 43rd and 44th President! That's got to be some kind of record, huh?"

Bush Launches preemptive attack on Social Security

ST. LOUIS, MO—At an appearance at the St. Louis Convention Center Sunday evening, President Bush declared the "grave and pressing need" for a preemptive attack on the Social Security program.
Bush warns the audience about Social Security.
Above: Bush warns the audience about Social Security.

"My fellow citizens, at this hour, brave administration and congressional forces are in the early stages of an all-out attack on Social Security, with the ultimate goal of bringing down the oppressive legacy of the New Deal, and big government itself," Bush said. "Through bold and decisive action, we will liberate our grandparents and our grandchildren from the threats of the system established by Franklin D. Roosevelt to provide retirement compensation for America's workers."

According to the Social Security and Medicare Boards of Trustees, if Social Security revenue and payouts remain unchanged, the nation's largest entitlement program will be unable to pay full benefits in 2041.

"The Social Security system is a dangerous, financially unsustainable program," Bush said. "If we allow it to continue unchecked, we will need to resort to benefit cuts, tax increases, or massive borrowing in 36 short years. I call upon the combined forces of my administration and Congress to destroy this program and the threat that it presents to our way of life."

Bush defended his decision to make a preemptive attack.

"September 11 taught us that, in our unstable world, we must take bold, decisive action to protect our citizens from threats both foreign and domestic," Bush said. "We must free citizens everywhere from the threat of financial dependence on the government."

In the months leading up to Bush's declaration, he attempted to contain the Social Security program through a calculated long-range attack on its general fund.

"Up until several days ago, we attempted to negotiate with Social Security, by proposing a plan under which wage-earners would invest their withheld income in the stock market," Bush said. "These personal savings accounts would have pumped a great deal of wealth into our deflated economy, but this is not about temporarily inflating a beleaguered market. It is a battle for freedom, and it is time to take decisive action. America, we must strike Social Security."

Bush said he was reluctant to detail the specifics of his strategic plan, as he did not wish to jeopardize national security.

U.S. Army War College professor of economics Henry Reed said destroying the program will require a "broad and concerted campaign."

"The Social Security system is complex and resilient, with a network of cooperative agents across the country and an entrenched relationship with many of the nation's most desperate elements," Reed said. "Luckily, a well-funded coalition of pro-business forces has already begun striking selected targets of legislative importance in order to stop the cells that provide assistance to people on the extreme end of the age spectrum."

Reed put the current situation in historical context.

"Bush could ignore this threat, like all the presidents since Truman have done," Reed said. "By confronting this potential future crisis now, Bush will free all Americans from the treacherous safety net that currently entangles their futures."

The president closed his address by asking the public to support the massive undertaking.

"Americans young and old will be making great sacrifices for this cause," Bush said. "But there will be innumerable gains for other segments of the population, from Wall Street to Pennsylvania Avenue. As for the brave men and women of the GOP already embroiled in this fight, my prayers are with you."

Republican National Committee chairman Ken Mehlman applauded the president's campaign.

"As usual, people are criticizing the president for being too courageous, for leading too fearlessly," Mehlman said. "The bleeding hearts say you could save Social Security with less money than we're currently spending in Iraq. But that's billions and billions of dollars we don't have, people."