"I tried walking into a Target , but I missed."Mitch was considered a younger, edgier Steven Wright. He died today of an apparent overdose. It sucks when that happens. He was a great talent.
"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."
"I type 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language."
"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before."
"One time a guy handed me a picture of himself and he said. "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. Here's a picture of me when I'm older. How'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera."
"An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never seen an "Escalator temporarily out of order" sign, just "Escalator temporarily stairs". Sorry for the convenience."
"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music" As though there's another way you can take it in. Your not special. That's how I recieve it too. I tried to taste it, but it did not work."
"I went to the park and saw a kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed."
-Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)
More Mitch Hedberg observations
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