My Living Will

Thanks to Suzy!

"My Living Will"

I, _________________________ (fill in the blank),

being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be

kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in

the hands of peckerwood ethically challenged

politicians who couldn't pass ninth/tenth-grade

biology if their lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to

sit up and ask for a Captain Morgan's on the rocks, cold

beer, etc., it should be presumed that I won't ever

get better. When such a determination is reached,

I hereby instruct my spouse, children, and attending

physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, and

call it a day. Under no circumstances shall the

hypercritical members of the Legislature (State or

Federal) enact a special law to keep me on life-

support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads

mind their own damn business and pay attention

instead to the health, education, and future of the

millions of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma.

Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into

this case. I don't care how many fundamentalist votes

they're trying to scrounge I couldn't care less if a

hundred religious zealots send e-mails to legislators

in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know

these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them

to preach and crusade on my behalf. They should

mind their own business, too.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns

my case into a political cause, I hereby promise to

come back from the grave and make his or her

existence a living hell.

_____________________ _____________________

Signature Witness

Date_________ Date ___________

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